Let Me Tell You a Secret

Some days everything goes wrong and keeps going wrong until the whole week is shot. I’ve felt like this keeps happening lately. One Sunday morning after a week of setbacks i was especially frustrated. I was sure if we’d just worked harder we could have avoided the waits and runs for parts. Lack of time probably was a viable excuse if we needed excuses.

In truth, my husband hasn’t had much spare time this summer and on some of the few evenings he’s come to the house before dark, we’ve managed to beg him to take us out fishing. A farm keeps a man busy from early morning till late , if we could only go without sleep we’d maybe get ahead sometime. Ultimately, I was feeling like we were failures at management and i was certain others perceived us as people they’d rather not work with and soon we’d be totally alone and cancelled, working our tails off only to get further behind. I struggle to feel or believe others love and care for us and continually need to remind myself that the love i feel is the love I’m giving away. Above all my fears, being alone or abandoned by others because i’ve disappointed them is my worst.

   I said all this and a lot more as we drove the hour long drive to morning church. My husband stopped and reminded me that i was looking out the wrong window. I’ll say what he told me in my own words: “Being grateful for what you have is always important but being grateful for what you don’t have can mean even more.”

   The life I do have is better than the life I could have. This was a good reminder for me, sometimes the things i spend so much time desiring or envying in others lives would be a trade for the things I do have and need to spend more time appreciating the blessings. I really wouldn’t want to barter on what i do have so I’ll be glad for who we are and how we are.

   Our family has a lot of fun just being together and doing activities together, we laugh and chatter together and that’s better than a load of organization and a perfectly ordered life. “Better a dinner of herbs where love is…”

   I often love rereading through my old gratitude lists and reliving good family memories we’ve had from when the babies were smaller. My gratitude lists from back then make the best diaries. Sure i can read between the lines and see things weren’t always rosy in those postpartum and toddler years but I’d love to smell that baby skin again and rock one of my babies to sleep. Now it’s working together and songs and laughter and chatter that i’m grateful for, watching my babies become young adults and make amazing decisions on their own.

   Church service that morning after my complete failure and stress felt like a call to draw nearer to the One Who paved the Way. The speaker said it didn’t matter if we were a success in material things, on our final day, what mattered was the state of our relationship with Jesus. He mentioned how he sometimes judged others and was reminded how in God’s eyes, we are all loved equally. He’d had a good conversation with a neighbour he’d sort of judged. “Three things you have to be ready to do at all times,“ the neighbour told him, “Be ready to preach, ready to pray, and be ready to die.” Then the neighbour mentioned how his own final call could come any day and how important it was to live each moment well.

  We sang about Jesus’ sacrifice and how His blood is the only way we can reach Heaven. I was reminded and consoled, “All our own righteousness is as filthy rags..”

   Devotions with family in the evening was focused on the Father’s love. We talked about the song my husband had been singing in the morning to my daughter. One of our girls was dejected after I’d been disappointed she wore her sunday dress on the quad as she went to get oats for her sheep in the morning. As we drove along in the pickup i noticed a spot stain along the side and asked how it got so dirty just getting ready for church and then i fully realized the story. She slumped over sad about her own failure and embarrassed to be visiting a neighbouring church like that. She said something about no one loving her. I felt exactly the same so i didn’t have words to help her.

     My husband told her even if we reprimanded her we still loved her, we loved her just as she is, and then he remembered this song and sang it a few times as he drove that hour long stretch to church. The last verse was the one that spoke to me as i  sat convinced of all my own failures and unworthiness.

   “”Let me tell you a secret about a Father’s love..a secret that my Daddy said was just between us, you see, Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then…it’s a love without end, Amen.

   …Last night I dreamed I'd died and stood outside those Pearly Gates.

When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.

If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in.

Then somewhere from the other side, I heard these words again.

…And they said:

Let me tell you a secret about a father's love

A secret that my daddy said was just between us

You see daddies don't just love their children every now and then

It's a love without end…Amen. “

   On the other side of those pearly Gates our Daddy loves us and He loves us without end. That fact tops my gratitude list. In spite of all our shiners and bruises from the fights we put ourselves into, He just loves. He sees our efforts and feels for us. He helps us and won’t let us down.

   Another fact that never fails to top my gratitude list is that i have a praying husband. I see Him reading the Bible each day. My biggest prayer when i considered getting married was that my husband could spiritually lead and i could rely on him and he has never failed my trust.

   I have created children that decided to become Christians. This still amazes me sometimes. It amazed me yesterday when i lost something and searched for it numerous times and my girls knew i was looking and told me they’d pray. In just a bit, I found a replacement that was just as good.

   Yes, there are a lot of things we don’t have and the very way we are makes us look like a disaster to others who maintain different values. We have treasures and they are heavenly treasures. I am grateful for my children and my husband and our life. I’ll remember this as we begin each day of work. We’ll keep chipping away at the block  in our way without comparing too much and remember the value of our Heavenly Home to keep our priorities and emotions straight. Above all, i am assured our Father loves us and will not walk away or fail to listen and understand.

   “And when i feel my patience has been tested to the end, I’ll take my Father’s secret and pass it on again…

because let me tell you a secret, about a Father’s love, it’s a secret that my Daddy said was just between us…You see, Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then…It’s a love without end. Amen.”

(Love Without End, Amen was written by Aaron Baker and sung by George Strait, while song with lyrics found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkeZcdDJIlk

(I don’t know where the grateful for what you don’t have quote comes from but it’s in my own words. I found a quote by Socrates that was similar: “If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart.”)