Confidence

Webster's dictionary says, "Confidence is a faith or belief that one will act in the right way. Confidence stresses faith without any conceit or arrogance."

One of my children's days came apart yesterday after a week of frayed threads and barely holding it together emotionally and socially. The school homework kept piling up and in the moment that frustrations came out I picked up the dry bones of reason why. I listened to the tumble of words and discovered a little why emotions the last while had gone so wrong, It seems my child had lost all confidence in their own worth. I'd been pressuring so hard that my child would act good I'd forgotten to check if they felt good.

I kind of lost my basic reasoning then too and wondered how I had let things go so wrong. Slowly I gathered us both back together with a lot of prayer and talking with my husband and friends. The best thing I got told (from someone who I'm coming to realize is always a great cheerleader) was, "You've got this." She's so good at spinning things in a positive light and agreeing "Thats rough but you've got this." She doesn't offer answers or even much advice and it made me realize that's not actually what I need. She actually believes things will turn out ok.

Knowing someone has confidence in my abilities is a huge gift. Perhaps advice is good but hits better in the bright happy moments. Maybe positive affirmations and building up on good points is always better. I don't know much but I do know that feeling of someone having confidence in me makes me feel like a valued warrior. Maybe in the low frustrating dead end moments people just need to be told, "You've got this, I believe in you."

We all can use a listening ear and a pat on the back. Maybe what i need to be practicing is how to believe in people and show them i have confidence.

Mostly I'm just feeling low when i come apart in frustration and I need to be told I'll make it. What if from now on I told people I knew they had the answer when they had a problem? I'm ready to be a cheerleader for others.

I think confidence is all my children need in moments when they come apart and I want to be their champion. Positive affirmation and a pointer in the right direction goes a lot further than a stack of advice .

Children are just adults in growth, they need to be listened to, need a hug and some understanding. I shouldn't stress or worry about my children's issues because it adds to theirs. I should give them all my confidence and tell them I'll positively be praying for them and ready to listen whenever they need to unburden. I want to assure them each day, "You've got this, You and me both together, we've got this because we've got Jesus."

(this is an update;

That child who was struggling in school has come through with flying colours. Things came to a head one day when i realized he was believing all the mean things that got said to him in school like “You’re stupid because you have gone work.” or “You’re cheating if you you look back at my desk.” His teacher came over on Saturday and visited and together we told my son his job is to only believe the adults in his life. The things other children say are not always true. If he’s struggling with things other children say or do he’s supposed to talk to an adult and then let it go.

“When they say it, i feel like it must be true because they wouldn’t lie.,” he said and he cried. His teacher was helpful and said that’s how he felt when people say mean things but our job is to stay happy and love those people but not let it hurt us.

Since then, my boys grades are way improved and he can focus on his schoolwork and rarely has homework. I can’t believe the change an understanding teacher made.)